The only thing that guarantees an open-ended collaboration among human beings, the only thing that guarantees that this project is truly open-ended, is a willingness to have our beliefs and behaviors modified by the power of conversation. — Sam Harris
Can you think of that conversation you’ve been putting off? Those times you want to talk to your manager, employee, spouse, colleagues, or neighbor but do not have the inner drive to do so.
Maybe you have tried to have these conversations in the past but failed. Or Maybe you fear that having the conversation will worsen the situation. Yet, you feel stuck, wanting to free this issue bordering you but you just don’t know how to go about it because you are afraid of the consequences. Yes, it is a difficult conversation.
This article discusses reasons why you should have a difficult conversation, how to prepare for it, and what to do during the conversation.
Why you should not avoid difficult conversations
Avoiding difficult conversations is a recipe for disaster. It can lead to having shallow feelings which will hurt you in the long run. It could mess up your mental health, and personal growth or even damage your relationship.
Furthermore, trying to avoid a difficult conversation may seem the easy way out, but it could lead to resentment. Failure to address resentments can turn into anger or blame.
A positive view of a difficult conversation and going into it with the right attitude would foster good relationships in your workplace and family.
How to prepare for the conversation
Before going into a difficult conversation, take time to ask yourself these important questions:
- What is the purpose of this conversation? What do I hope to accomplish?
Before starting your conversation, think about the purpose of the conversation and what you really want to accomplish. Take time to work on this so that you can have a meaningful conversation. - What is the key problem that I want to address?
Identify the primary issues you want to talk about and write them down if need be. Think about the primary issue. For example, do you want a salary raise? Identifying the major problem will help you tailor your concerns properly to your opponent. - Have I contributed to the problem?
Scrutinize yourself to see if you also contributed to the problem. We are all imperfect, and sometimes, we can contribute to a problem. - Who is my opponent?
Think about the person involved in the conversation. What is his/her role? Are they aware of the problem? What are their expectations?
How to have a successful conversation
Actively Listen
We all love to feel listened to when we are talking, active listening makes that possible. It involves not just hearing what your opponent is saying, but also processing their feelings.
Try to understand why they reacted in a certain way. Try to understand their point of view.
Let your opponent talk and do not interrupt until they have finished. Ask questions to get a better understanding of their view. Questions like “What do you think is causing this issue?” Asking questions improves clarity.
Remember that actively listening during a difficult conversation will go a long way.
Advocate
After your opponent has expressed their feeling on the topic, go ahead and express yours. Tell your opponent how you feel without minimizing theirs. For example: “From what you have said, I can see why you feel I have not been contributing much to this project. I have been battling with problems that leave me mentally exhausted but that is not an excuse. Maybe we can talk about ways I can communicate my availability.”
Communicate solution
Now you are ready to solve the problem. Brainstorm with your opponent about how to solve the problem. Ask him/her what they think might work. Asking for your opponent for a solution will encourage further engagement. Make sure that both of you understand the problem and are willing to resolve it together
Conclusion
Conflicts are inevitable, in fact, it is part of human nature. When handled properly, it yields positive results. To be honest, it is risky to talk about certain topics but take that risk.
Before engaging in that difficult conversation, try to identify the problem, think about your opponent, and check yourself to see if you are contributing to the problem.
During the conversation, listen attentively, advocate, and finally, come up with a solution.
Presented by: Chidi Confidence
